Now.

I am back and once again putting myself out in the open… Reinventing myself, and rising to the challenge.

Here’s the challenge, as odd as it might sound, I’ve lost myself in my new life.
I went from being a consumed in myself and my life, to giving it all up to raise and mould a new addition to the world.
Many things that I would turn to for solace, I have extended to motherhood.
It may take one to know one, from a mother to mother, to fully comprehend the energy it takes in raising a child, but I know that I am not alone.

I know and understand now, that I cannot and will not ever be comfortable. I will not rest on laurels. When my son, Jacob, learns something new, I must also learn something new.

He is a growing boy, most days willing to discover the wonders of his world. This experience does take me back. It teaches me, he teaches me, to appreciate the simplicity of the world.

He finds wonder in a light shining brightly, where as I see just a light to brighten a room.

He becomes ecstatic to hearing new sounds, or making these sounds himself.

Before I was a mother, I knew nothing of this amazing thing called parenthood.

Sure, there are still a million and one things that I would’ve, should’ve or could’ve done differently – but I revel in these moments.

Being a mom, and watching him grow, in these timeless moments… I get lost in them, and sometimes forget that the world around me exists.
It is unbelievable, such a feeling. Jacob is part of me. As he grows, I see myself in him and his father in him, traits both good and bad in him. Like his mother, he is impatient and wild.  And still amazing… Like his father, he must make noise, almost at all times. I love quiet, however – my life is no longer quiet, yet still amazing. They are the music that sounds my life.

It is rare that I have time for myself these days. And to be truthful, most days I don’t mind. There are better days than others. Even when I do need time to myself, or Jacob is away, I feel some sort of emptiness.

Now, – I am a mother, first and foremost, and growing, still growing. I strive to be a better me, each and every day, while still battling my everyday life.

I continue to mend from the events of my past, and will to a better future. Moulding, both myself and my son, to be the best that we can be.

The little boy that turns my world upside-down.

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