One of my favourites – “The Nap Taker”

No — I did not take a nap –
The nap — took — me
Off the bed and out the window
Far beyond the sea,
To a land where sleepy heads
Read only comic books
And lock their naps in iron safes
So that they can’t get took.

And soon as I came to that land,
I also came to grief.
The people pointed at me, shouting,
“Where’s the nap, you thief?”
They took me to the courthouse.
The judge put on his cap.
He said, “My child, you are on trial
For taking someone’s nap.

“Yes, all you selfish children,
You think just of yourselves
And don’t care if the nap you take
Belongs to someone else.
It happens that the nap you took
Without a thought or care
Belongs to Bonnie Bowlingbrook,
Who’s sittin’ cryin’ there.

“She hasn’t slept in quite some time–
Just see her eyelids flap.
She’s tired drowsy — cranky too,
‘Cause guess who took her nap?”
The jury cried, “You’re guilty, yes,
You’re guilty as can be,
But just return the nap took
And we might set you free.”

“I did not take that nap,” I cried,
“I give my solemn vow,
And if I took it by mistake
I do not have it now.”
“Oh fiddle-fudge,” cried out the judge,
Your record looks quite sour.
Last night I see you stole a kiss,
Last week you took a shower,

“You beat your eggs, you’ve whipped your cream,
At work you punched the clock,
You’ve even killed an hour or two,
We’ve heard you darn your socks,
We know you shot a basketball,
You’ve stolen second base,
And we can see you’re guilty
From the sleep that’s on your face.

“Go lie down on your blanket now
And cry your guilty tears.
I sentence you to one long nap
For ninety million years.
And when the other children see
This nap that never ends,
No child will ever dare to take
Somebody’s nap again.”

-Shel Silverstein

What results will be? July 13, 2007

today, like every other day is different;
with its unique challenges and choices,
a continuum of a certain lifestyle that i both, chose and denied -
bringing me here.
the melodramatic, soap-opera like life,
spiralling both upward and downward as it pleases;
an unpredictable rollercoaster,
my life.
surprising me at every turn and bend.
gracing me with a rainbow -
a love; there unconditional;
but, synonymously conditioned in the exact way that i want it.
friends; that are there, reminding me everyday of its definition at whole -
teaching me patience,
easing my karma as i learn to accept it.
a joyous relief, where in solitude can still find solace;
though no escape is near,
only a mere understanding that i will find a stronger sense of me;
companionship is not a must, but a want and gratitude along with it.
assessing my life in the truest way that i know,
only with myself,
awaiting the results.
realistic, as realistic can be…
everything that the truth will or won’t be.
maybe all that is not ideal
but where i will continue to find and tweak the improvements,
leading to my tomorrow.
there is no doubt in my mind that through my trials of yesterday, that i’ve learned and changed some,
living for today, to better the tomorrows ahead of me.
choosing to live that one day at a time,
check-marking my dos.
slowly erasing hate, where i have lost many battles
seeing spite growing everyday in an angry world;
and trying not to contribute and succumb to it.
mastering the feeling that i am unable to control everything that counters my life.
wholly with all the might of me;
in search of a “euphoria” – i know,
the cleanliness of this slate,
from beginning to end will, with a drive close to impossible,
search all means for the new and better way of living.
old ways will fade.
tomorrow is still there, untouched
motivation that is constant -
that will encourage change and all that is satisfying to my soul.
difference will be here,
tomorrow.

if you could, would you? (written sometime in 2006)

you could start over again, would you? Again, in a sense, even if you knew in advance that you would end up in the same place? Or, if you knew that you would have to sacrifice something or someone that you cannot do w/o today? Change is inevitable, yes? I am someone who is confident and yet, fears change – even the most miniscule. Regret is a small word that carries a definition so large that it ruins lives. That, though, isn’t what this is about. It’s not about regret at all. Sometimes I forget that I am in total control of my life, and that all decisions are my own. There are a million-and-one aspects of life that I do wish that I could trade in, hoping to be dealt a better hand – but, if that would deny me who I am now, ( aside from all the faults and errs that I have succumbed to ) I’d better pass. Promises are so hopeful, that’s exactly what they entitle. If you could promise all the things that you promised in your life – could you say that you’ve fulfilled every expectation? Hopes, dreams and expectations are grand..I don’t know how I manage to forget that allowing empty words fill my heart with misguidance. I haven’t lived up to do everything that I’ve promised and I deeply apologize. But, if you could do it again, would you? My mother always told me that “if you don’t like it change it, and if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

Living and learning are not one in the same, but are synonymous in ways of experience. Trial and error seems to always be it for me, because when you get to a fork in the road where your almost forced into decision, most times, you realize the predicament to being as close to the last, if you’ve ever even been there before..depending on your realization it brought you to, as long as you don’t do it twice. A mistake isn’t a mistake until you do it twice, the first one’s just a lesson. I wouldn’t even call the second one a warning. It’s just a mistake. If I could… I guess not, I wouldn’t do anything different. Emotion and ego do, sometimes, get the best of me – it’s just, it wouldn’t be as fun to do anything again if you’ve already learned the feelings it brings (considering that you’ve already been there). It’s fair enough to say that I’ve learned to laugh at myself and the things that I’ve done or not done. And I sit, wait, and ponder until the challenge arrives. Life isn’t a paper, on the verge of sounding cliche, but, think about it. Wouldn’t it be great to go through things again? Example, not give the best of yourself to others when they’d doubt you in the end? Hurt you in the end? Actually, no, I would’ve missed out on some lessons for massive self-growth. After all, I’m not who I was a year or so before. Here’s the cliche, (sucks to call it that, but it’s true) you live and you learn. Just don’t forget to accept it, or…just learn to laugh at it. Most of all, learn to love yourself and life, the way it is. Unless you’re really willing to change everything you see unfit for its place or even that and those that you may depise. I wouldn’t…

As the clock goes… February 12, 2007

I sit in solitude, with silence accompanying me and my thoughts.
An escapade to a world of the unknown yearns for me;
and as i long for it, i stand on this ground of comfort, for exactly that – comfort. But the clock doesn’t stop
An escapism, living in a life that at times does not feel like my own;
I wait patiently for it.
And it ticks away.
I sit still, confused, staring at a place beyond these walls;
at a world spinning a thousand times faster than a comprehending measure.
It will not stop for me, continuing its count.
Stuck in yesterdays thoughts, anticipating a better tomorrow and a forever changed dream to a future that is full of absolute glory and happiness.
Distant from a shadow, of my past, with all that i love and care for.
It is now 5:42 am.
Everything is possible and yet, what my heart feels seems misunderstood.
Both what i need and what i want have seemed to blur into each other.
The madness of my recent events – unpredictable.
I will continue to sit, as stagnant and as patient, despising my heart..
continuing to watch the clock, until yet another day passes me by -
a sleepless me.

Todays, tomorrows and tribulations | November 19, 2007

I can not help but stand dumb-founded why the most important people in your life will always be the ones that matter but will constantly take you for granted.

Under that same thought, is this a belief that someone would forever be there to tolerate all that they stand against? Or, all that they are?

Is that what is expected?

I try my hardest everyday to appreciate what and who matters to me by living life not expecting anyone or anything to be there tomorrow, as if anything can happen.

And I believe that I have showed and given every sense of definition of the importance to those that I cherish.

Here I stand, wondering why?

Am I to wait for the moment that indifference occupies me?

tired

Dammit popcorn! April 23, 2009

Today almost went perfect – until someone decided to make popcorn at work. I still can’t manage the smell of microwave popcorn. No matter what, I can’t seem to shake the feeling when that smell is around. I was so close to finishing my shift. Half an hour before the end of the shift and I’m running to the washroom to throw up. I’m getting more and more restless as I wait for you. You kept me up last night, I barely slept. Clearly, you and I are on different sleep patterns. When I’m ready to sleep, you are ready to party like its 1999!  The kicks to the bladder? Yes, are mastered, but nowhere as active as you get when I flush the toilet, you go absolutely nuts!

Good night!

Move it, baby! April 20, 2009

Yesterday was rather unusual – for the first time I panicked. I didn’t feel you move for a few hours. I’m guessing you were nice, comfy and asleep. I needed to feel you move, but your dad kept telling me to leave you alone! I wanted to do jumping jacks or something?! The day before I was getting nervous that you were coming soon, and I was almost wishing that you weren’t going to come out because of all the scary things that can happen.

Crisanto is definitely in a better place, where he can be happy and be in completely safe… I’m sure that you and Crisanto would have caused havoc to everyone and everything around. I just can’t help but worry about everything can possibly happen. The “what if” game isn’t even worth thinking about now, unless I want to cry. I’m sure all my emotions are just snow balling and I have to understand that things will happen. I can’t wait to play with you, laugh with you – or even just meet you! 7 weeks or less to go! I can’t wait!

Me? Emo? April 15, 2009

Yet another appointment with Dr. “OB GYN”… but that was after I went to see you at my ultrasound. You are healthy and active! Everything looks just fine! 7 and ½ weeks and you should be here. Aaaand, we’re all excited to meet you! Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get a good picture of you at the ultrasound.  Apparently, good pictures are harder to come by at this time of a pregnancy. But, seeing you was enough. And your dad was happy to hear that I confirmed that you are a boy! We’d love you anyway!

I wonder everyday what kind of baby will you be. Will you want to eat ALL THE TIME? Will you sleep through the night? Will you laugh at everything? Will you be just as active out of my belly as you are now? What will your cry sound like? Who will you look like?

I’ve official started to shun the news. I just can’t do it. I have joined the emo-club. I have become the over-emo. It’s definitely the horomones. But to be honest, I think the majority of it is the drastic changes going on in me life. The fact that you are coming to the world; I feel the need and desire for the world to be a better place for you.

I turn on the news and I see people getting shot, kidnapped, and dying of some rare illness that they have yet to find a cure for. As much as I am dying to meet you, there’s just way too much in the world that is unbelieveably sick. I want to protect you and make sure that nothing bad ever happens to you. But, I do know – that I cannot shelter you. I will not shelter you. Months ago, I would watch the news and think, “that’s sad” or “how unfortunate”… And now, I hear or read a story – those similar to what I used to read or hear and I think, “that’s absolutely heart-breaking” or “how unbelievably gut wrenching”. I guess that I just really didn’t put myself in the other position or think that horrible things could happen to me. Rarely, did I even think that I could feel so deep for someone that I didn’t know until I knew that you would be coming along…

Glucose test… Yikes! April 1, 2009

So, today is my routine appointment with Dr. “OB GYN” and I am nervous… I’m actually nervous. Today, I will be getting the results of my 2nd glucose test – the 1st didn’t go too well (obviously!)  It seems that lately my nerves have been getting the best of me. The closer and closer we come to your due date, it seems more real each day that I’m going to meet the little person in my belly that punches and kicks me all night long! I hope that you are healthy and that I won’t have to battle this “gestational diabetes” – thing. Right now, I don’t know how or what to feel. I understand that it is common in many pregnancies, but again, it is definitely something that I can avoid. Having this as a possibility even makes me feel as if I am not taking care of myself, and therefore not taking care of you. I feel horrible… We’ll have to wait and see. 

[After the appointment]

You and I are a healthy pair! Thank goodness! Doctor said that my blood count was perfect and that you are the perfect size! We scheduled for an ultrasound, I’ll get to see you sooner than later! We’ll meet again in 2 weeks! Bright and early in the morning 8:45am! I can’t wait. Be good!